YOGI OF THE MONTH

April 2020 - Bhagava Brachmacharya

What first brought you to yoga and how long have you been practicing?

I emerged from the womb in a perfect Pungu Mayurasana (Wounded Peacock Posture), which was painful for my mother. When the midwife placed me on the scale to be weighed, I transitioned seamlessly into Gandha Bherundasana (Formidable Face Pose), and slept every night in Yoganidrasana (Yogi Sleep Pose) before greeting the dawn with a series of 72 sun salutations. However, it was not until I was cast in my primary school’s performance of “Come, Children, Let us Enjoy the Incredible Sites of the NeckChand Rock Garden of Chandigarh Province,”in which I sustained Eka Hasta Vrksasana (One Handed Tree Pose) for the entirety of my six-and-a-half hour performance as a mango tree, that my greatness was widely recognized. 

What is/are your intention(s) for your yoga practice?

I would like to see sales of the Bhagava Brachmacharya Brand™ merchandise increase beyond our current annual sales of $34.7 million. In May our newest line of yogawear, Baby Bhaga, launches, and every morning I meditate on the success of this line for ten minutes. Baby Bhaga Bibs, Baby Bhaga Booties, and Baby Bhaga Racerback Bras will be our top sellers; this has been revealed to me in the meditative state. Baby Bhaga Books launched last month, and already “Shhh! It’s Shavasana Time!” is a NY Times bestseller. 

What is your favorite pose and why?

All poses and none are my favorite, as befits my state of non-attachment. This being said, I greatly prefer the pose which I alone in all the world am able to achieve. It is called “Wounded Monkey Dangling From Banyan Tree Limb.” To prepare, one’s body must be shaved, and a balm of jasmine-scented coconut oil (available from the Bhagava Brachmacharya Brand ™ in 2.5 and 6 ounces) applied from the crown of the head to the soles of the feet. After being wrapped in banana leaves and beaten with fronds from the Tamarind Tree for a period of no less than three hours, I suspend myself upside down, supported only by the second toe of my left foot. In this way, I achieve perfect identification, both physically and spiritually, with the wounded monkey. 

What is your favorite class at InsideOut Yoga?

I am a teacher, not a student. 

How has the practice of yoga influenced your life?

In addition to the fleet of Teslas I keep at my Calabasas home (many thanks to Kim and Kanye for plugging them in while I am away), yoga has afforded me a G-5, a penthouse suite at the new Skylofts MGM Grand in Las Vegas, and a reliable stable of household help, including a dedicated Lunghi Wrapper and a woman who devotes herself to removing environmental toxins from my toe pads. Also inner peace and enhanced flexibility. 

What advice would you have for a beginning yoga student?

Buy my Bhagava for Beginners ™ DVD collection, available at Amazon. In addition, I find that the bestselling Bhagava’s Britches ™, featuring my likeness, and Bhagava’s Bralet ™, will assist the beginning female yoga student. For male yoga students, I recommend Bhagava’s Briefs ™ and a set of Bhagava’s Beard and Body Hair Shavers ™. Bhagava’s Booty Sweat Remover Mat Wash ™ and Body by Bhagava ™ Yogi Swaddler complete the experience. 

What is your occupation?

Being Bhagava Brachmacharaya.  

What activities do you enjoy?

I am a very sensual man and thus enjoy many diverse unions and diversions in my free time: man and student, man and monkey, man and banyan tree, man and chicken tikka masala, and man and warm naan bread, to name but a few. 

What is your favorite thing about living in the Northern Neck or Middle Peninsula?

I believe we do not live anywhere; we simply pass through, just as the cool breeze passes through the 600 hectare tea plantation I recently purchased in the mountains above the Tamilnadu region. Look for Bhaga Brand Brews ™ in a store near you. Coming soon. 

Is there anything you want to add?

One neither adds nor takes away, one simply is. (™) From my book, Bhagava Brachmacharaya: Blurbs and Blessings, volume 3.