Transactions

Tammy Leote negotiates with a rug merchant during the IOY/Morocco Retreat

Empathy is the most mysterious transaction that the human soul can have, and it’s accessible to all of us, but we have to give ourselves the opportunity to identify, to plunge ourselves into a story where we see the world from the bottom up or through another’s eyes or heart. ― Sue Monk Kidd

Our yoga retreat in Morocco last month was incredible on so many levels, but the pushy sales and frenzied bargaining ubiquitous to the region were a huge stress factor for our group. Why couldn’t the merchants just name a fair price instead of wasting our time by endlessly going back and forth, back and forth? Vendors would tell me how beautiful I looked when I held up a scarf or earring. A merchant and I couldn’t agree on a price for a purse, so he immediately tried to sell me a mid-century carved door, saying it would transform my house. We were advised not to look into their eyes.

What I disliked most about the heavy haggling was how it de-humanized us. It was all about the transaction. The guy trying to sell me the door didn’t know if I even owned a house. The scarf and earring vendors barely looked at me. It wasn’t win-win; it was use-use. They wanted to sell and I wanted the cheapest price down to the last dirham. 

But when I took a breath and acknowledged that the merchants were doing their best to make a living and that many of them were probably struggling, the haggling became less stressful and more human. I thought about the effort it took to make, ship and display all those goods, much less to learn enough English to bargain with tourists. I looked into their eyes and smiled. I asked them about their families and they asked me about mine. I bought some cool stuff and felt that both the vendors and I were happy with our deals. 

On the flight home I thought about those transactions and about transactions in general. I’ve always thought of a transaction as being an exchange of goods, services or funds. But a transaction is more broadly any kind of exchange or interaction between people (or really, all sentient beings). That means that every single interaction with a family member, friend, colleague or vendor is transactional to some degree or another. And whether we realize it or not, we expect something in return for everything we give, whether it’s a scarf, a promotion or a smile.

We can’t avoid transactions. We can’t even avoid bargaining. But if we approach our interactions from a place of empathy and connection instead of trying to get the best deal, we become much more satisfied customers.

I wish you peace and joy in all your holiday transactions this season.