Mirror Mirror

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ― Louise L. Hay

In the sixth grade, I hung out with a group of popular girls who often made fun of other kids. They’d point out physical differences or imitate how awkwardly someone ran—stupid middle school stuff that made the recipients feel awful. It turned my stomach when they did it, and although I never joined in, I also didn’t stick up for the other kids or even tell my friends to stop. I feel bad about that to this day.

In college I dated someone who every now and again would point out one of my physical “flaws.” They were generally things I was already self-conscious about and I would tell him so, saying he didn’t need to tell me things I saw in the mirror on a daily basis. Needless to say, that relationship was short-lived. (Besides, he had a tiny… collection of Metallica 8-track tapes that he played over and over and OH-ver...)

Yet as unkind as the sixth-grade girls and my ex-boyfriend could be, we’re often way less kind to ourselves. We find fault with our hair or skin, our noses, our bellies, our intelligence... We negatively compare ourselves to others both on and off the mat…

In Meditations from the Mat, Rolf Gates describes how yoga provides us with a mirror. He writes that many of us first come to the mat with a mind that’s out of control and in a sub-optimal relationship to our bodies. But if we stick with the practice, he says, we begin to find that amidst the jumble of pride, desire, aversion and fear, there’s a still point, a part of ourselves that—according to yoga and many other spiritual traditions—bears witness to it all.

Think of something and ask yourself who’s noticing what you’re thinking. Depending on the tradition, this “noticer,” i.e., this unchanging “inner witness,” might be called the Self, the Soul, Love, God (Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Allah…), Peace, Consciousness or other.

However you describe it, I agree with Gates that, with time and practice, you get to know this witness—this quiet voice that’s a more accurate reflection of what you see in the mirror and what you tell yourself on a daily basis.

One of my close friends says she no longer looks in the mirror. Anyone who knows her would say she’s classically beautiful as well as kind and smart. (And don’t get me started on her amazing yoga practice.)

To her (and to you) I say, choose the right mirror but don’t ever stop looking.