Fight or Invite

“Suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is. ― Dan Millman

Have you ever had outdoor plans spoiled by weather? Have you ever had a tech problem? Has your body ever not performed in a way you wanted? Has a friend or family member ever not met your expectations? Have you ever not met your own?

My answer is: “all of the above.” I’m guessing yours is too.

My next question is: “how did you respond?”

I recently did an Ally Love ride on my Peloton bike. In a particularly difficult interval, she told her audience to “fight or invite” the sensations we were experiencing. It was perfectly timed because I, for one, was 100% fighting and not inviting.

The ideas of surrender, of letting go, of being present to what is, are all grounded in yoga philosophy. It takes strength to do a challenging bike ride or asana, but it also takes strength to invite, to soften, to let go. For me, it’s one of the hardest parts of the practice both on and off the mat.

In a recent Yogaland Podcast episode, host Andrea Ferretti gave an excellent example of how difficult letting go can be in a teaching she had learned from Yoga and the Quest for the True Self, by Stephen Cope. Cope wrote about how devastated he had been when his longtime partner had broken up with him and how he had felt as if he wasn’t going to recover. He remembered saying to a friend that he had just tried so hard, he had just tried so hard. It had been a transformative moment for Cope because he had realized that after having done his best, the only option he had was to surrender.

It’s hard to surrender to uncomfortable or painful realities. It’s hard to let go of having lost an election. It’s hard to invite the realities of aging. Whether you’re a despondent ex or a Presidential candidate, how we respond to the things we resist can have enormous consequences not only as individuals but in the world around us.

Thanks for the reminder, Ally. Thanks for the tools, yoga.