A Time of Awakening*
Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth, when winter yields to new life. In this post, I want to share a personal story about a time of awakening, and some exciting news, as well!
When I was 18, I traveled to India, carrying only a backpack and my tips for that week: twenty-seven $1 bills. Arriving in Mumbai was an immediate, intoxicating, sensory experience, smells of cumin and anise quickly overwhelming the Herringsalat, Griebenschmalz, and angst that I'd worn like a second skin while dancing at Wilhelm's Wunderbares Deli und Danceteria in Germantown, New Jersey.
After eleven days of traveling by oxcart into the countryside, I reached my ultimate destination: the compound of Bhagava Brachmacharya, Yogi and Mystic, set between a factory that produced rickshaw mirrors and a home for retired Rajas. "Bhagi," as he's known to his followers, invited me to a purity bath my very first evening, and as I rubbed oil on his head, I knew that I'd found my spiritual home. I was put on a strict diet of jackfruit and a half cup of rice per day to uncloud the vision of my third eye, and became an eager explorer as Bhagi introduced me to new worlds: tantric yoga, psychedelics, French New Wave cinema, and Mongolian throat singing. It was a happy time.
I intended to sit at Bhagi's beautiful feet forever, but after Immigration authorities discovered me hiding under a heap of elephant dung and hay, I was forced to return to New Jersey. I wrote Bhagi daily, and treasure the promotional materials for the skin care line he was developing that he sent in return. And then, due to Bhagi's incarceration, our correspondence stopped. Life went on, but I never forgot my guru.
Imagine my delight when I was trolling the internet late at night on Christmas Eve and came across the website for Bhagi's new athletic wear line, complete with an email address for Bhagi himself! After sending a few current photos, I received a response, and was reunited with my guru in the Paradise Lodge in Reno, Nevada last month.
Yogis, it is my distinct pleasure to announce that Baghi is now living in the Northern Neck! Every morning around noon when he rises from my pullout sofa, we begin our day with sun salutations and a smoothie made of raw kale, beet juice, chia seeds, and Tito's vodka. I have never felt better! Baghi will be joining InsideOut Yoga as an instructor, and I hope you will welcome him with open hearts, homes, and wallets, as I have. You may find a list of his classes here:
4:00 pm M, W, F: Baghi in the Buff—A master class for students ready to embrace unrestricted bodily movement through sacred postures. Purchase of Booty Sweat Mat Wash and signed Video Release required.
6:00 pm M, W, F: Back to Nature with Baghi—While guiding you through an intermediate series of poses, Baghi will release fire ants, asps, and his faithful lion-tailed macaque monkey, Balveer Bandhu, into the room. Whichever lucky student Balveer chooses to groom will be entered in a drawing to win a Private Lesson! Purchase of Booty Sweat Mat Wash, Rabies Vaccinations, and signed Indemnity Releases required.
8:00 pm M-F Bedtime with Baghi—Baghi will gently guide students through a series of postures designed to enhance a good night’s sleep. One lucky student will be chosen each evening to host Baghi, whose rhythmic snoring guarantees restful slumber for the entire household. HBO, Netflix, and a Queen or King Sized Bed required.
10:00 pm M-F: Essential Oils with Baghi—This class is by invitation and is only for advanced students.
*This post was written by Corey Stewart for my April Fool’s FakeNewsLetter. If you haven’t already, read Bhagi’s Yogi of the Month interview, which was also written by Corey. It might even be funnier!