Don't Be a Dick
“Questions of morality are questions about happiness and suffering. This is why you and I do not have moral obligations toward rocks. To the degree that our actions can affect the experience of other creatures positively or negatively, questions of morality apply.” ― Sam Harris
I’m part of a friend group called The Tribe. MJ unofficially started it during Covid by asking some of her and Cassie’s friends to gather in the UU parking lot for what MJ dubbed Trunk and Talk. Once a week, we’d park in a circle, sit in front of our cars and chat from a distance while drinking adult beverages. It kept us connected and sane during a crazy time.
When Margot and I first became friends, I invited her to Merroir so I could introduce her to Mela and Scott. We started talking about The Tribe, and Margot asked how one might become a part of it. Scott told her The Tribe’s only requirement: Don’t be a dick.
The Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you) has been taught for millennia by Buddha, Zoroaster, Jesus, Confucius, Epictetus, your parents, and countless other religious leaders and philosophers. (Here’s an interesting list from a Unitarian Fellowship in North Carolina.) It’s a simple, profound moral practice that’s not always easy to execute. The Platinum Rule (Treat others as they would like to be treated) is more recent, nuanced, and calls for more understanding and empathy.
In my opinion:
Religions get both rules wrong when they:
Become too rigid (e.g., ignore critical thinking, turn sex into a vice, insist that something is right or wrong based on their own sacred texts…)
Exercise exclusivity (e.g., no female or LGBTQ+ clergy allowed; nonbelievers will burn in hell…)
Claim superiority over others (e.g., ours is the one true faith)
Private clubs get the rules wrong when they discriminate based on gender, class, orientation, or race.
Don’t get me started on politicians.
You, as I, might be shaking your fists at the above examples. But I’m going to admit something:
Although I try hard not to, I’m also sometimes guilty of rigidity, exclusivity, superiority, and discrimination.
I can sometimes be a dick.
I was struck by Harris’s take on morality in my opening quote. I’d never thought of morality as a question of increasing happiness or reducing suffering, but it makes total sense. His view encompasses both the Golden and Platinum Rules as well as The Tribe’s requirement for membership.
As always, how we think and behave off the mat is reflected on the mat and vice versa. In what ways are we increasing our own happiness or reducing our own suffering? Are we treating ourselves the way we want to be treated? Do we negatively judge ourselves or cause injury by going farther than we should? Are we sometimes dicks to ourselves? (See Mirror Mirror.) How does the way we treat ourselves reflect in the way we treat others?